Past two weeks have been extremely terrible for me and yet somehow I’m putting up with everything. It saddens my mind whenever I’m entangled in the discourse and my friends are just as skeptical as ever. But what the general mob does to my emotional state is far worse.
All my actions are directed towards the common action of self-reliance. My life, no matter in what state it is I’m trying to fill every void of it. But people keep throwing up new and very adversary situations that seem completely normal to them. And to counter that, they are so rigid that they don’t even want to consider my perspective. I’ve certainly never denied theirs but what they are doing is shear arrogance.
Let us take the simplest of situation created by my professor. Apparently my misery at the lab wasn’t high enough that he threw a project at my face and I was supposed to be in a group and it’s been over a week but I haven’t found anyone willing to accept me in the group at all. It’s partially my fault but their fear is the biggest hurdle that comes between me and anyone. Either they fear my words, my actions or my attitude or they simply hate me. Either way they are worthless for me. And what will happen if I do not get myself accepted in a group is as simple as failing the course.
Not realizing my agony with mindless freaks nothing to offer for intellectual appetite does not bothers my professor. Rather he would force me to take his way and I on the other hand would rather fail in the course than going out of my way doing something that isn’t my nature. I am being very clear in my words and actions states that it’s not uncommon for me to be a part of something good. But on the contrary I’m a great lawyer of essence and passion which unless I witness in a person is not worth my time.
I’ve constantly mentioning him that I’ve limited time and yet he never sees the basic idea I’ve been feeding to him. We all have very limited time in our hands and it’s our duty to ensure that we spend it in a way we want to and it should be left at an individual’s discretion the way he or she is going to opt for. Any decision will have a consequence and the sole responsible person would be no one other than him or her. Yet people believe that their interference would make any difference is their optimism and in my situation a very big letdown.
There are different paths to take and it’s the burden of an individual for any suitable outcome. It’s the web of world that makes me contemplate over and over is it worth at all? Heeding to the contempt of everyone over and over with no window or space of listening to my words. Once a good man told me to let it all out and be at ease. I’ve been a follower to his actions but even when I speak it seems that I’m talking to myself or shouting in a world of deaf.
Are people so occupied that they have left every source of understanding moderated by their perception and filter anything per their dislike. Why can’t they accept a person as they are? I don’t go around telling what or what not should be there. All I do is my work, something that interests me even in the time of pain. And if that doesn’t suit someone, shouldn’t that be left alone. The more people will try to reform me, the more rigid I’ll be and it might be as silly as a kid’s insistence but to hell with it, it’s my life. I’ll decide the way I want it to go, I’ll decide the way it will end.